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Super Sunday Masturbation Party

Touch Down There for Peace

You're going to get together with friends for a Super Sunday party anyhow, why not turn it into a peace rally? Follow this simple guide to making it into a Masturbate For Peace wank-a-thon.  Whether you pound your pud for the Patriots, or pet your pussy for the Panthers, you can combine the excitement of the Super Sunday with the thrill of masturbating for peace.

Since this is no run-of-the-mill Super Sunday party, some careful planning and forethought are necessary to avoid any potential misunderstandings and to make it safe for all participants. Here's our step-by-step guide:

Set the Ground Rules

First, you need decide what kind of party to have. Is it going to be a no-contact game, or a group huddle? Are you limiting beverages to Gatorade, or getting a keg? The ground rules need to be clearly laid out ahead of time to insure a safe, comfortable environment for everyone.

Since you're hosting a group wank for peace, make sure everyone is clued in to the cause and can get behind it. You may want to have people sign a peace pledge, or make up their own. Making sure everyone is on the same page beforehand will prevent any ideological scuffles.

In the interest of making both male and female attendees more comfortable, we recommend making this a no-contact event. That way the girls won't worry about getting groped, and the guys' homophobia will be kept in check. Of course, you can make exceptions for the celebratory high-five for a good play, or pat on the butt for a touchdown. If sexual interaction is allowed, you need to clearly define the limits. For instance, you might allow manual stimulation, but forbid genital-to-genital or oral-to-genital contact.

Safe sex rules should be clearly laid out, and make it clear that they will be strictly enforced. Exchange of body fluids should be prohibited, requiring a condom, latex glove, or dental dam for any and all sex acts. Breaking a safe-sex rule should be grounds for ejection. Of course, you need to supply plenty of condoms, dental dams, and gloves, and means for safe disposal.

Although beer and football go together like, well, beer and football, you may want to consider making this a no-alcohol, no drugs gathering. When people get intoxicated on alcohol or other substances, inhibitions are lowered and things can quickly get out of hand.

There are lots of ways you can make the party more interesting by tying the game events in with the actions of the real-life players in your rec room. You might also want to consider incorporating dress-up or fantasy elements: have people arrive in athletic wear or cheerleader get ups and then strip down to their jock straps and sports bras for a steamy locker room re-creation. You'll also want to figure out beforehand how to coordinate the sexual activities with the action on the field. What's your timeline? Do you want people to start playing with themselves before the game begins? Should the first climax coincide with kick-off or half-time? Will you enforce time-outs?

 

Send Out Invites

Now that you've determined the rules of the game, you can make the guest list and send out invitations. Having a written invitation insures that everyone understands the purpose and rules of the party and what to expect.

Although Super Sunday parties are usually free-for-alls, due to the nature of this gathering, we recommend that you don't invite coworkers or neighbors, unless you are on very close terms with them. Try to keep the male-female ratio about even. If you invite the women first and get their RSVPs, you can invite the right number of men. Invite a few more people than you normally would; a few are bound to get cold feet. You also need to make it clear on the invitation whether people can bring guests or not. If guests are allowed, you need to make sure that they have read the rules and agreed to abide by them.

The invitation should clearly explain the party: what rules attendees will have to follow, what they should bring, what you'll provide, etc. Spell it out to the letter so the rules are all in black and white. Tell people to arrive early if you intend to get down to business before kick-off. Since the goal of the party is to masturbate for peace, that should be stated on the invitation as well. Participants should be able to feel aligned with the overall spirit of the event.

Get Supplies

Hosting a Super Sunday sex party requires more than just buying chips and dip. You'll need some special supplies to make sure that everybody plays safe and clean. The players don't go out on the field without their protective gear, and your guests shouldn't either.

You'll want to get some boxes of disposable latex gloves and an assortment of condoms, both lubricated and unlubricated. Team colors are a nice touch. Buy in bulk if necessary so you have enough on hand. Also, get some dental dams or have Saran Wrap available. Even if people keep to themselves, the latex can add a new dimension to the fun. If the masturbation gets more interactive, the latex is absolutely necessary to keep things safe.

Stock up on water-based lube. Single-use packets are great, because they're neater and guests won't have to pass around a slippery pump bottle. .

Throwing a few sex toys into the mix can liven things up for everyone. Dildos, cock rings, butt plugs, and vibrators are some basics to try. Some of these can be shared if people put condoms over them. Otherwise sharing sex toys is unsafe. You may suggest in the invitation that people bring their own toys, especially penis pumps or masturbator sleeves, because these really can't be shared.

You can also make homemade sex toys out small rubber, vinyl, or foam footballs. Many women enjoy getting off by rubbing or grinding their clit or pussy against a firm ball. Cut a cock-sized cylinder out of foam footballs and the guys can use them as masturbation sleeves. Some women may even be able to get a small football into their vaginas. But don't, under any circumstances, let someone try to put a football up their ass; it could get stuck there.

You'll want to take some steps to keep things clean and make it easier to tidy up afterwards. Cover the sofa, chairs, and even the floor with sheets or towels. Provide baby wipes, tissues, and paper towels for mop up. Set up several trash cans lined with plastic bags nearby so people can easily toss their used condoms and tissues, not to mention their paper plates and empties. Given that this is a Super Sunday party, your place will get trashed, but these measures will minimize the damage and make the environment safer and more comfortable for everyone.

Food and Games

If your guests have never attended a masturbation party before, things could be a little awkward at first. You might want to try breaking the ice with some games. Here are a few ideas:

  • For a pre-game warm-up, try a quick game of strip poker, a sexy board game, or a few rounds of Truth or Dare.
  • When people get relaxed and out of their clothes, see who can climax first before the kick-off.
  • Once the game is underway, try tossing a Nerf football around the room and have people try to keep it going without breaking their masturbation rhythm - or breaking any furniture (you might want to move the lamps and vases out of the way if you try this).
  • Get a strip of Astroturf and use chalk or white paint to mark it like a gridiron. Erect a mini set of field posts at one end. Have the guys see who can cover the most "yards" when they shoot, or score a field goal.
  • Have a contest between the Panthers fans and the Patriots supporters to see which "team" scores the most orgasms. For a spin on traditional football wagering, do an orgasm point spread and take bets beforehand. This will encourage people to egg each other on, as well as give an edge to the women's multiple orgasm capabilities.
  • Liven things up by having a "commentator" call play-by-play on participants' masturbatory antics.
  • Offer a special prize for anyone who can climax simultaneously with an onscreen touchdown.

You can also have a couple of porn videos handy to pop in during half time if people want a change of pace. If you do this, don't forget to set a timer so you can switch back to the game when it comes on again. You don't want to lose track of time and miss an important play.

Noshes like chips, popcorn, and sandwiches are standard fare for a Super Sunday party, but keep them in a separate room away from the sexual activity, and don't let people bring food into the play area. Nothing ruins a good party faster than jism in the bean dip.


We would like to salute Janet Jackson for baring her breasts during the Super Bowl halftime performance in 2004. Taking such a public action for the cause of peace deserves our highest praise and deepest gratitude.

Janet Jackson Tits

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